Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
Food tastes better.  The air smells sweeter.  My dog doesn’t shed as much.  My kids now mind me and seek out my advice.  I get better fuel economy.  My whites are whiter, and my colors brighter.  Nick Holland now returns my calls.

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Gee, uh, oh….maybe eternal life?  And not the kind eternal life depicted of Dante’s “Inferno,”  where I would be completely encapsulated in ice in the center of hell, but the other place, where there is perfect happiness.  And in a place of perfect happiness isn’t complete without cases and cases of Silvery Beans.

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
I can see the misunderstanding, since gold is more valuable than silver.  However, Kraut is made from cabbage, which makes me gassy.  Actually, so do beans, but maybe silvery beans wouldn’t, though I’ve never tried them.  I’m sorry, but what was the question again?

If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“Honey, I Keep Missing You (So I Bought a New Site for My Rifle)”  Silvery Beans would be mentioned in the chorus, as in…

Honey, you never made me beans that were silvery
so I’m sending this round by special delivery
so I won’t be missing you no more….

Reasons for winning (straight from The Big Cheese):
“I’ve met good designers, good sales people, and individuals who are really passionate about their craft – but RARELY do you meet someone who embodies all three qualities.  Jason, who we affectionately call Shamus, always provides a powerful presence to any project and his triple threat personality (creative, sales, passion) make him a great asset to our team.”

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut:
I now have both the Golden Kraut and the Silvery Beans. I keep one in each of my back pockets. Thus, I have buns of aluminum.

Plus, the Golden Kraut helped me quit smoking.

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
I would tell those people to not wear thongs… not many people can actually pull off a good thong… wait, THRONG? Oh.

My best advice is to remember Confucius: no matter where you go, there you are. Enlightening!

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
Harsher punishment for parole violators.

…and world peace.

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
I always thought it contained a black hole, and opening it would reverse the space-time continuum, allowing me to return to 2003 and stop the making of Underworld and thus save the world.

But it could just be creamed corn. Mmmmm…

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut.
It is impossible to accurately answer that question without bringing this poor Web server to its knees. In fact, I am certain that even putting half of the list of ways that the Golden Kraut has changed my life would crash Twitter and Gmail … at the same time. And we all know what it is like when that happens.

For fear of causing many a Fail Whale, I will attempt to summarize it thus: I have an awesome new job at the “Casa de Kraut,” and both hockey games that I have attended this year have been thrilling victories. It truly works in mysterious ways.

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
Be wary of Kanye West showing up when you win the Golden Kraut (It happens all the time). He is likely to interrupt you, and inform all present that winning the Silvery Beans is a superior accomplishment.

He is wrong.

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
I would wish that you, fair reader, would some day come to know the glory of the Kraut for yourself. I am a generous kind of guy.

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
I sent it off for analysis, but the researchers were baffled that their highly calibrated scientific equipment simply reported the contents of the can as “Pure Awesomeness.” Despite their best efforts, they were unable to find that at their local grocery story (out of stock), so it remains a mystery.

Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
Since winning the Silvery Beans, my life has improved dramatically. People recognize me on the streets and stop to stare in awe of my awesomeness. They ask for a glimpse of my winning Silvery Beans with a glimmer of green in their eye. I am humble, so I declare that everyone is a winner at heart…Only I have the Silvery Beans to prove it and they don’t. I often ponder..”where do I go from here?”  Where do you go once greatness has been achieved? Why, Go for the Gold of course! Golden Kraut winners, look out! I have my eye on the gold….not that Silver isn’t good, too.

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Silvery beans WILL give you eternal life.
Give a man…bla, bla, (insert Nicholas Holland quote here ) , bla, bla,….and he will live forever.

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
Silver is great because it is more reflective than gold. Rays of awesomeness bounce off of the Silvery Beans and shed a glow of awesomeness upon not only the winner, but those lucky enough to be in close proximity. Silvery Beans represent the theory of “awesomeness by osmosis”. Kinda like how just attending the Interactive Mixer will make you smarter by being in a room full of tech/ digital smarties.

If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“I’ve got it, You want it”

Quote:
“My beard tried to steal them and claim sole ownership, but my brain fought back.”

Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
With a fuller beard and curlier mustache, I have surpassed the beanstalk and golden goose of yesteryear or even the mighty Golden Kraut itself for the prize which Ponce De Leon and his misguided crew searched for tirelessly in the 16th century, The Silvery Beans.

Due to this prize, I can now dunk a basketball, run a 2 minute mile, do the robot dance, sing like Merle Haggard, and the SBs shined my boots.   

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Trick question, the Silvery Beans are eternal life. (EDITOR’s NOTE: This is the first time this question has been answered correctly.)

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
Does the Golden Kraut lead to eternal live (see above), I think not.   

If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“Silvery Beans, Silvery Beans, Good For Your Heart”

Quote:
Just like getting a title on your first business card after college graduation, I too have ‘graduated’ to a new status in life. I have arrived! Thanks, Silvery Beans, for making me popular again!
Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
I’ve always said ‘Life is too short to drink cheap beer.’ With the fame and accolades I’ve received since winning the Silvery Beans, no more will I have to consume yellow, fizzy, swill. I’m rich, B!%@#es!    

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Eternal life. I love being the ‘tallest midget’, but if I picked Silvery Beans, I may die before I win the coveted Golden Kraut!

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
Thankfully, I wasn’t the last kid picked in kickball games. Maybe it’s ’cause I wasn’t a dummy. Therefore, I’m smart enough to know that Silvery Beans don’t trump the Golden Kraut. But I’m also smart enough to know that the Kraut winner would be F@#%ed if a vampire or werewolf showed up…I win!     

If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“You can’t polish a turd, but you can shine a bean!”

Reasons for winning (straight from The Big Cheese substitute — Chip Hayner):
“This month’s winner is our leader and captain, Nicholas Holland.  Nick throws himself 100% into everything he’s doing — even if that means he’s using 500% of his available time to do it!  He is seen around the office as not only a strong and wise leader, but also one who is a great mentor and friend.  His infectious personality, audacious creativity, and tenacious versatility make Nick a pleasure to work for, with, and around. Among the other awards Nick has won on behalf of CentreSource, the Golden Kraut is the most deserved and longest overdue.”

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut:
Its only been 2 hours since I won, but the Kraut is already taking effect.  I was at Ugly Mugs Coffee shop sitting next to a cold, half-consumed cup of coffee when I got notice of the award.  Before I finished the email, I noticed a pleasing aroma coming from the cup near my laptop.  To my amazement, the cup was full of fresh, hot java.

As I was taking a long draw from the tasty brew, my phone rang.  As a side note, the ring tone was Simon & Garfunkel’s “Feelin’ Groovy” – which is amazing because I’ve never even loaded a single ring tone on my phone (Thanks GK!).  I answered and it was my mother, asking if she could baby sit my 6 mos old as a small repayment of how much joy I brought her as a little boy.  It was a great conversation.  We laughed, we cried, and by the end – she said she was going to make me tacos (my favorite) the next time I came over.

Finally, I hung up and checked my email – only to find the effects of GK in my Inbox.  To my astonishment, my Inbox was clean.  At first, I thought something was wrong with GMail and it had deleted my email. Silly me – I forgot about the Kraut’s goodness.  Upon further inspection, I saw that all my emails had been responded to (correctly) and the underlying work was done!  INCREDIBLE.  This afforded me the luxury of taking the afternoon off and spending time with my wife and child.

Thank you G.Kraut – you’ve brought my family closer together, hooked me up with a ‘Groovy’ ring tone, and ensured that I get Tacos! … and that’s just within the last 2 hours!!!

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
The Golden Kraut has been pretty elusive, at least for me.  I pined away for it month after month, hoping that the motto ‘give kraut to get kraut’ would finally pay off.  After months of giving, I’m grateful to finally receive.

If you’re desperate the win the Golden Kraut, spend 10 minutes analyzing all the places in your life where you don’t give Kraut.  If you can fix those, the Kraut will bestow its Golden goodness upon you.

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
I think I would ask him for ’self-completing’ Time Sheet technology and then give that to my staff.  Our billable hour time sheets really stress certain team members and it would be a great gift for them.

I’d also ask him for a positive review of gpsAssassin on TechCrunch.com

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
Rumor has it that it could be Wax Beans, but I think that stems from people who don’t understand the true nature of Golden Kraut.  I’m guessing that its actually full of Tacos (at least I hope), but I’m also pretty sure that opening it would cause permanent madness.  One time, someone described heroin as being 100x better than the best feeling you’ve ever had.  I believe that opening the GK to actually see and smell the contents could result in an experience that’s 1,000,000x better than your best experience – which would, of course, lead to permanent madness due to the shear bliss.  But who knows…

Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
Winning the Silvery Beans cured me of morning sickness.

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Silvery Beans–who wants to live forever anyway?

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
Silver is antibacterial. Can gold keep your pits from smelling? (http://www.niveaformen.co.uk/silver)

If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
Silvery Beans winners don’t listen to lame country music.

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut.
Kraut has given me the boldness to CHANGE my world. For example, I’m no longer going to answer the question “Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut.”

I will now begin answering the question “What music do you like?” Bryan Adams.

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
I’d be like, stop clicking all the ads to books that promise how to win the Kraut.

There are many false prophets and other spray-painted awards. Don’t be fooled by the animated gifs that ask you to click the monkey for a free book on how to win the kraut. Animated gifs are not known for accuracy.

You’ll have to come to mixer to win.

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
I would be struck by the kraut-scent since under most circumstances it’s locked air tight behind tin.

Due to the dance initiated by my nostrils and pulsating through my body, I would ask the genie that my body would secrete the kraut-scent for my personal well being.

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
Las Palmas.

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut.
Before winning the Kraut, I always wanted to write a code-generation tool. I have successfully created a code-generator code-generator. It has two arguments, on, or off. Everything else it already knows.

Additionally, I now completely understand the meaning of the number 42.

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
Do not clamor for the kraut. Maintain your zen, and the kraut will come to you.

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
Another can of golden kraut.

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
I fully intend to find out. If it’s not kraut, I will form a support group for those of us that have been duped by the golden paint. Wait, did I just say I was going to open the can? I was kidding.