Silvery Beans Winner
Knowles “Buddy” Shaw
His suggestion for Nick’s costume: “UFC Fight Champion — Bare Chested + Tights (The Glittery Kind)”
“We’re not Watusi. We’re not Spartans. We’re Americans, with a capital ‘A’, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We’re the underdog. We’re mutts! Here’s proof: his nose is cold! But there’s no animal that’s more faithful, that’s more loyal, more loveable than the mutt…” — John Ringer in “Stripes”
Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
Food tastes better. The air smells sweeter. My dog doesn’t shed as much. My kids now mind me and seek out my advice. I get better fuel economy. My whites are whiter, and my colors brighter. Nick Holland now returns my calls.
Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Gee, uh, oh….maybe eternal life? And not the kind eternal life depicted of Dante’s “Inferno,” where I would be completely encapsulated in ice in the center of hell, but the other place, where there is perfect happiness. And in a place of perfect happiness isn’t complete without cases and cases of Silvery Beans.
Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
I can see the misunderstanding, since gold is more valuable than silver. However, Kraut is made from cabbage, which makes me gassy. Actually, so do beans, but maybe silvery beans wouldn’t, though I’ve never tried them. I’m sorry, but what was the question again?
If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“Honey, I Keep Missing You (So I Bought a New Site for My Rifle)” Silvery Beans would be mentioned in the chorus, as in…
Honey, you never made me beans that were silvery
so I’m sending this round by special delivery
so I won’t be missing you no more….