The Golden Kraut

His beard tried to steal them and claim sole ownership, but his brain fought back.

Reasons for Beaniness (straight from the mouth of our Big Cheese):
“Have you ever met someone that EVERYONE loved working with?  If you said Yes, then I know you work at CentreSource and have worked with Steven Warren.  He’s a rockstar on every project and consistently goes the extra mile to make sure things go smooth.  Steven also has a great attitude, despite living in Mississippi for part of his life.  Last, we debated on giving his beard its own can of Silvery Beans due to its sheer awesomeness.”

Quote:
“My beard tried to steal them and claim sole ownership, but my brain fought back.”

Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
With a fuller beard and curlier mustache, I have surpassed the beanstalk and golden goose of yesteryear or even the mighty Golden Kraut itself for the prize which Ponce De Leon and his misguided crew searched for tirelessly in the 16th century, The Silvery Beans.

Due to this prize, I can now dunk a basketball, run a 2 minute mile, do the robot dance, sing like Merle Haggard, and the SBs shined my boots.   

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Trick question, the Silvery Beans are eternal life. (EDITOR’s NOTE: This is the first time this question has been answered correctly.)

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
Does the Golden Kraut lead to eternal live (see above), I think not.   

If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“Silvery Beans, Silvery Beans, Good For Your Heart”