The Golden Kraut

He won the Kraut and we gave him a job. (Not exactly in that order, but it’s a nice story…)

Your Quote
“I won the Golden Kraut on my birthday, so every other birthday gift I have ever received pales in comparison.”

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut.
It is impossible to accurately answer that question without bringing this poor Web server to its knees. In fact, I am certain that even putting half of the list of ways that the Golden Kraut has changed my life would crash Twitter and Gmail … at the same time. And we all know what it is like when that happens.

For fear of causing many a Fail Whale, I will attempt to summarize it thus: I have an awesome new job at the “Casa de Kraut,” and both hockey games that I have attended this year have been thrilling victories. It truly works in mysterious ways.

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
Be wary of Kanye West showing up when you win the Golden Kraut (It happens all the time). He is likely to interrupt you, and inform all present that winning the Silvery Beans is a superior accomplishment.

He is wrong.

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
I would wish that you, fair reader, would some day come to know the glory of the Kraut for yourself. I am a generous kind of guy.

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
I sent it off for analysis, but the researchers were baffled that their highly calibrated scientific equipment simply reported the contents of the can as “Pure Awesomeness.” Despite their best efforts, they were unable to find that at their local grocery story (out of stock), so it remains a mystery.