The Golden Kraut

“Don’t pressure the Kraut.”

Your Quote
“You do not choose the Kraut.  The Kraut chooses you.”

Describe the myriad of ways your life has changed since winning Golden Kraut.
My grass is always cut.  My house is always clean.  Out of my kitchen faucet flows wine, not water.  I burn calories at a rate twice as fast as the average man.

If you had any advice for the throngs of people desperate to win Golden Kraut, what would it be?
To win the Golden Kraut requires intense discipline, for the Golden Kraut knows if it wants to be won, and it resists.  To truly win the Golden Kraut, commit yourself to not winning the Golden Kraut.  Only then, when you truly believe to your core that you don’t want it, will the Kraut come to you.  Don’t pressure the Kraut.

Also, drink a bunch of Nick’s beer.

If a kraut-scented Genie were to pop out of your Golden Kraut can tonight, what would you wish for?
Really?  As if once one has the Kraut, there are still unmet desires?  With the Kraut, there are no wishes.  The Kraut delivers all.

If Golden Kraut were a canned food item spray-painted gold, what would it be?
Canned Whole Chicken.