The Golden Kraut

“It’s Monday, and I’m f@%cking ready to rock.”

Reasons for Beaniness (straight from the mouth of our Big Cheese):
“Jason ‘Shamus’ O’Brien has been on a super ‘cool’ kick this month, garnering him the award for Silvery Beans.  His nominations consistently applaud his cool, flexible demeanor when it comes to tackling problems – as well as pointing out his amazing 2 lb back of Twizzlers on his desk.  In particular, one nomination said it all:”

“When informed that his schedule was full and did not have time to get a task done his response was:
‘Nah it’s fine
I’m doing it all
It’s monday
I’m f@#*ing ready to rock”

Quote:
“Winning the Silvery Beans is much better than grating parmesan cheese while watching reruns of Married With Children. Trust me on this one.”

Describe the myriad ways your life has changed since winning Silvery Beans.
When I was just a little Shamus, I dreamt that I would one day be an astronaut exploring the outer reaches of space (with a helmet that dispenses Guiness, of course). Life gave me the finger on that one, but I’m still working on the Guiness helmet, so we will see who has the last laugh.

I’ve always worked hard for everything. Even though life intervenes and tries to change my course, I stick true to my values: being sauve (the chicks dig me), law abiding (whenever the cops are around), funny (I tell a killer fart joke), mature (pull my finger), and responsible (where did I put those top-secret documents?).

Where do the Silvery Beans fit into this? They fit right next to my James Dean bobblehead on the dash of my car. Where else?

Pick one: Silvery Beans or eternal life. Please explain your choice.
Etern… Silvery Beans. You can’t eat Eternity, but you can surely satisfy your appetite with the Beans (these are real silver and not lead-based, right?).

Some people have said that winning Silvery Beans is a much lesser degree of awesome than winning Golden Kraut. Please explain how these people are completely wrong.
The Kraut is like being a lion. Sure, you’re majestic, and beautiful, and strong, and the King of all that you survey; but the Beans are like being a cheetah… you’re faster and cooler, and look pretty awesome with oversized sunglasses and big white high tops.
If we were to write a hit country song about Silvery Beans, what would we title it?
“”If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You”